take it to the limit, one more time.

i can’t.

some things are simply perfect.

some things are simply perfect but aren’t together.

i want us to fit together perfectly.

where are you?

iabsolutlycrave

i absolutly crave digging my toes through ice cold muddy muckky mud. it doesn’t even seem to matter how cold the muddy muckky mud is. it doesn’t even matter. i just love the thought of it being close to summer. and i just crave my activity that i get to co-lead at work this summer. i just want to watch kids take off their shoes and dip their feet into the slimey slippery water and mud solution of the creek down by the yuck. i can’t wait. i crave these thoughts more than i crave those feelings i used to have. i absolutly crave.

i think i ought to invest in windshield wipers for my eyes. it gets hard to see through the oh so frequent down pours.

little notes from the past 7 days

note one:

“we travel together, passengers on a little space ship, dependant on it’s vulnerable reserves of air and soil; all committed for our saftey to it’s securty and peace; perserved from annihilation only by the care, the work, and i will say, the love we give our fragile craft.”

          ~Adlai Stevenson

note two:

“the leaves faintly  rustled over my head; from the sound of them alone one could tell what time of year it was. It was not the gay laughing tremor of the spring, not the subdued whispering, the prolonged gossip of the summer, nor the chill and timid faltering of late autumn but a scarcely audible, drowsy chatter.”

          ~Ivan Turgenev

note three:

my uncle David has been diagnosed with cancer. all i can do is repeat to myself that he has cancer. i can’t bring myself to do more than that. i feel so small.

          ~written by me on sunday during meeting

gambling.

On a warm summer’s evenin’ on a train bound for nowhere,
I met up with the gambler; we were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a starin’ out the window at the darkness
‘Til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.

He said, “Son, I’ve made my life out of readin’ people’s faces,
And knowin’ what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.
so if you don’t mind my sayin’, I can see you’re out of aces.
For a taste of your whiskey I’ll give you some advice.”

So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
Said, “If you’re gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.

You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.

Ev’ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin’
Is knowin’ what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
‘Cause ev’ry hand’s a winner and ev’ry hand’s a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.”

When he’d finished speakin’, he turned back towards the window,
Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness the gambler, he broke even.
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.

You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.

the gambler — Kenny Rogers

Or maybe its all about perspective

What if every one of us, each and everyone, is a firefly. And our tails give off a different color for each of us. And if we all made our circles. Whether we are business men and women flying around the world and making big circles. Or whether we are little children running in circles playing tag in our backyards. Just imagine all the colors and all the circles traveling around, intersecting, but never colliding, at least not exactly colliding, maybe just meshing together at some points in time. And imagine if we could see a map of all of these circles. And there would be all the circles of Christopher Columbus and all the other people of ages before us. Maybe that’s how it is.

Or maybe its all about perspective.